Navigating the Holidays After Betrayal: Creating Safety, Meaning, and Space to Heal
The holidays are often painted as a season of warmth, joy, and connection—but if you’re healing from betrayal, they can feel like a minefield. Lights may twinkle and songs may play, but inside, you may be holding shattered pieces of trust, identity, and safety. Traditions that once brought comfort might now feel painful or even hollow. And the pressure to smile and celebrate can make your grief feel invisible.
You’re not alone—and you’re not doing it wrong. Healing after betrayal changes everything, including how you experience the holidays.
Ways to Care for Yourself During the Holidays
Acknowledge What’s Different
Betrayal changes the lens through which we see the world. It can shake your beliefs about love, commitment, and even your sense of self. So if the holidays feel “off,” it’s not because you’re ungrateful or broken—it’s because you’re grieving. Let yourself acknowledge what’s different this year. Maybe you’ve stepped away from a partner. Maybe the traditions you once cherished feel unsafe now. Give yourself permission to notice and name what has changed.
Give Yourself Permission to Say No
You are not obligated to attend every event, keep every tradition, or answer every question about how you’re doing. If an invitation or tradition stirs anxiety, dread, or emotional overwhelm, it’s okay to say no. Boundaries are a form of self-care, not selfishness. You’re allowed to protect your peace.
Redefine Meaningful Moments
The holidays are often about connection—but that doesn’t have to mean big gatherings or forced cheer. Connection can be quiet, sacred, and intentional. You might find it in lighting a candle, walking in nature, calling a trusted friend, or journaling by the fire. Create small moments that feel grounding and restorative.
Prepare for Triggers
Holidays often bring interactions with people who don’t know—or don’t understand—what you’ve been through. Plan ahead. You might rehearse a short response for intrusive questions (“I’m focusing on my healing right now”) or designate a friend you can text for support. It's okay to excuse yourself from conversations that feel unsafe.
Create New Traditions
You have the power to choose what you carry forward. Consider starting a new tradition that aligns with your healing. This might be writing a letter to yourself, volunteering, traveling somewhere new, or doing something you’ve always wanted to try. New traditions can mark a season of reclaiming your story.
Make Space for Grief and Joy
It’s possible to hold more than one emotion at a time. You might laugh with a friend and cry in the car afterward. You might feel hopeful one moment and hollow the next. That’s okay. Healing isn’t linear, and the holidays don’t require emotional perfection. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, without judgment.
You Are Still Worthy of Peace
No matter how broken things may feel right now, your worth remains unchanged. You deserve safety, kindness, and moments of comfort. This holiday season may not be the one you wanted—but it can still hold space for healing, even if that healing looks quieter than years past.
If you're navigating betrayal and unsure how to move through this season, you're not alone. I offer trauma-informed coaching for individuals and couples who are rebuilding trust, safety, and self-worth after betrayal. Reach out through my contact page to explore what support might look like for you.
References
Carnes, P. (2012). Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts. Gentle Path Press.
Maté, G. (2019). When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection. Vintage Canada.
van der Kolk, B. (2015). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books.
