What Is Gaslighting—and Why It’s More Than Miscommunication
At its core, gaslighting is emotional manipulation that causes a person to doubt their own perceptions, memories, or sanity. Though once a rare term, it has become a heavily used—but often misused—word today .
Sarah Morales, a leading expert through her Deconstructing Gaslighting® framework, offers a refined definition that strips away confusion:
Gaslighting (verb): When someone, through covert behaviors, convinces another person that what they think, believe, perceive, or feel is inaccurate or invalid .
This definition highlights key features:
• Covert tactics (denial, minimization, misdirection)
• An assault not on the body, but on one’s sense of reality
• An experience that leads to deep internal confusion and erosion of self-trust
What Gaslighting Is Not
• It’s not a one-time disagreement, stubbornness, or bias.
• It’s not merely emotional influence.
• It’s also not healthy boundary-setting or honest feedback.
Gaslighting targets your trust in your own experience, especially when the person doing it holds relational power or influence.
Common Gaslighting Tactics
Sarah Morales describes how gaslighters often wield strategies like:
• Denying events happened (“I never said that.”)
• Minimizing others’ feelings (“You’re overreacting.”)
• Redirecting blame (“Why are you so sensitive?”)
• Twisting facts to serve their narrative
• Using others (triangulation) to support their version of events
Over time, these tactics erode self-confidence, deepen anxiety, and isolate the gaslighted person from trusting their own mind.
Why It Matters
When gaslighting is ongoing, it silently reshapes how you think and feel. You may begin to question:
• “Did that really happen?”
• “Am I remembering correctly?”
• “Maybe I am too sensitive or irrational.”
Sarah Morales emphasizes that gaslighting often thrives in silence, because secrecy makes self-doubt feel more plausible ().
Once you begin to name the pattern, you step into power. Knowledge is healing. Recognition is the first step toward recovery.
How to Begin Reclaiming Your Reality
Name it clearly. “That was gaslighting.” Clarity brings boundaries.
Anchor in what you know. “This happened. I felt that.” Journal and hold onto truth.
Set boundaries. You do not have to engage in confusion or manipulation.
Seek support. A trauma-informed therapist or trusted friend can help you hold your truth.
Build relational muscle. Practice saying, “I remember it differently,” and stay grounded.
Final Thought
Gaslighting is more than emotional pain—it is relational betrayal of reality. As Sarah Morales has dedicated her career to saying: the fog is conquerable, and truth can be reclaimed .
By defining your perception, setting emotional distance from manipulation, and rebuilding inner trust, you reclaim your voice, your power, and the right to live in your own truth, without apology or doubt.
Reality is yours—and no one gets to rename it.
